Golden Geese Discovered in Wyoming.
Feb 15th The department of paleontology at the University of Wyoming has issued a report on the findings at one of their privately funded digs in Northwest Wyoming. The report, which was originally written by students working on the dig, reports that an extremely large nest of ancient geese was found just east of the Mammoth spring’s area of Yellowstone Park. The nest appears to be that of the mythological Golden Goose and the fossilized eggs are indeed made of pure gold. Each Egg is approximately one troy pound in weight and at today’s market value makes each egg worth approximately $10,000. It is estimated that the size of the nest is large enough to contain approximately 330 million eggs.
The students who discovered the nest are scheduled to be interviewed by the press on Monday the 9th of March. However, since the nest is entirely within the boundaries of Yellowstone park the National Park Service has asked that the eggs be secured by the United states Army until it can be decided what to do with them. The U.S. congressional committee responsible for the park system has issued an order that no further excavations be completed until a study can be funded to determine its total value estimated to be more than two hundred zillion dollars. Also the U.S. congressional committee on finance wants to commission a study to see what benefit the value might have relating to the national debt and the current financial crises that we are in. This same committee drafted a bill that would increase the salaries for congress by 34%.
Feb 16th The Canadian Paleontology society, the privately funded research group that funded the dig, has filed suit in U.S. district court claiming the eggs belong to them since it was their funding of the project that caused the discovery. At the same time that this lawsuit was filed the Society for preservation of antiquities has filed suit claiming that disturbing this site in any form would constitute a violation of the federal Antiquities Act that has yet to be enacted and is asking for a restraining order prohibiting any removal from the site until such time as the aforementioned law can be enacted.
Feb 17th A private group calling themselves the citizens for equitable distribution has estimated that there is approximately one egg for every man woman and child in the United States and that the eggs should be distributed to the citizens of the country accordingly. A newly formed group called the Citizens against anything socialistic has filed suit against the former group alleging that the distribution to each citizen would constitute a “spreading of the wealth” and since this is a capitalistic society would be illegal. This second group is not able to site any rule of law relating to their assertion.
Feb 18th meanwhile the society for the ethical treatment of animals dead or alive has alleged that the removal of the eggs from the nest would constitute a violation of the rights of the extinct goose and should not be undertaken under any circumstances.
Feb 19th The Sioux nation today filed suit in district court claiming the Yellowstone site is a sacred burial ground for the now extinct but still revered golden goose. The representative for the Nation has stated off the record that they would be willing to exchange the Black Hills region of North Dakota, a region that has been determined to have been taken from them illegally by the Supreme Court of the United States, for the much smaller area of Yellowstone Park where the nest is located. Since they have not taken any of the six hundred million dollars that were offered for the Black Hills in lieu of actually receiving their land back they believe that this would be a much easier solution than the one they originally wanted, that being the removal of all white eyes living in or near the Black hills. They also assert that since that portion of Yellowstone Park had not been used for more than a decade it should be considered abandoned and according to the treaty of 1885 that they have a legal right to claim it.
Feb 20th The National Parks manager responsible for Yellowstone Park today was asked what position he has taken in regard to the future developments. His response was "We intend to let it burn." When reminded that the great fire was nearly twenty years ago he said. "Oh."
Feb 22nd The Chinese government today has declared their note for the national debt due and payable. All sums now owing by the United States are to be paid forthwith. However a spokesman for the Agricultural Bank of China has stated that they would be willing to take the Golden Goose Site in Wyoming as payment for the debt.
Feb 25th Today the Governor of Wyoming declared an emergency for the area now known as the Golden Goose site and is reclaiming it as state territory. He has ordered the activation of the Wyoming National guard and has sent two battalions of troops to retake the disputed area under State control. In the meantime of course the U.S. Army has already taken up positions around the site and is prepared to defend it against the National Guard.
Feb 26th Four University of Wyoming students were arrested today while trying to enter the Golden Goose site with bulldozers. It seems that these students are part of the original archaeological team who made the discovery. When asked what they were doing they replied that they were trying to cover up their mess.
Feb 27th Today General Paetreus ordered Nuclear weapons sent to the newly constructed garrison at the Golden Goose site to be used in the event of an attack by any government foreign or domestic that might try to seize it.
Feb 28th This is the last report that will be filed by this reporter from the Golden Goose site. Upon hearing this latest development I have abandoned any hope of ever receiving a Pulitzer prize for this story other than posthumously and I am in the process of getting the **** out of here.
Until next time.
Good story, Everett. I like the way you weave in the various interest groups. Everyone wants a piece of the action. Society, of course, is the loser.
ReplyDeletePaulG