Political definitions

I know that my blog is supposed to be about writing and this one isn’t.  But it is about words.  And I did say in my first one that I might just want to rant.  So I am ranting. 

            One of the main principles of communication as I remember it is that in order to have a complete communication there must be a sender, a person speaking, and a receiver, a person listening.  Over this past week I have watched Republicans speak out and Democrats speak out but it is not clear to me if either of these communications had a receiver.  So, per the principle stated above, there has been no communication.   

            If President Obama were to give his most eloquent speech yet to a group of French citizens who do not speak English would the speech be a complete communication?  No it would not.  How then is it possible for him to speak to a group of Republicans who do not want to hear him?  On the other side of that coin if the Republican minority in the house and senate have a valid point to be presented to the congress and the Democratic majority do not want to hear them what is the chance that they will be heard.

            When people speak the same language the communication may be incomplete for a number of reasons.  For instance, A Catholic speaking to a Muslim, A man speaking to a woman, a republican speaking to a democrat. 

            Even when we speak to each other we do not communicate our point if the person who we are speaking to does not hear or want to hear what we have to say.  And to make things even more complicated what if we do have something to say but we use the wrong words.   Let us start with the definition of what a Democrat and a Republican is.  Webster says that a Democrat is a supporter of democracy:  somebody who believes in or supports democracy or the democratic system of government.  Does this definition fit a person of the Democratic Party?  No it does not.  The United States, often referred to as a democracy, is actually a representative republic.  So what are Democrats doing in congress?  Republicans on the other hand are by definition supporters of a republic as government:  somebody who believes that the best government is one in which supreme power is vested in an electorate. So shouldn’t we all be Republicans?  I know they are just the names that are given to the two major parties but isn’t it confusing when we think about it that way?  And what would we stand for if we still called them Whigs? 

            So on to the next confusing category, conservatives and liberals.  A conservative is a person reluctant to accept change: in favor of preserving the status quo and traditional values and customs, and against abrupt change.  Now if we follow this definition, and per our language we must because that is what it means, then when Clinton left office and Bush came into office were the conservatives not the Democrats?  And when our country is in dire straits as it is now isn’t conservatism a self destructive position to take? 

            The definition of a liberal is; broad-minded: tolerant of different views and standards of behavior in others.  Well now as a righteous Republican I can see why my party is so upset with President Obama.  Wait, isn’t that a good thing?  Oh there is a second part to that as it relates to politics and it says; progressive politically or socially: favoring gradual reform, especially political reforms that extend democracy, distribute wealth more evenly, and protect the personal freedom of the individual.  Oh boy now I am rally confused because I don’t think that part fits either one of them.  It does however seem to fit President Obama.  Wasn’t he accused of wanting to spread the wealth?  Well as a Democrat that is exactly what he is supposed to do. 

            OK so now I have decided that the thing to do to solve these political squabbles is to simply throw out the whole mess of them and get a new batch.  Well that has been tried before and only works on a limited basis so here is my plan.  We should pay them each one million dollars a year.  They will not need to pay their own staff.  The staff will be paid as permanent government employees.  Sort of like the post office.  That way they won’t be able to hire their unqualified brother in law and pay them a huge salary.  Now the cost is really not too significant if you think about it.  Four hundred thirty five congressmen and one hundred senators, total annual cost $535,000,000.  They spent that yesterday.  So how will that help you say?  Well at a million a year there are many midlevel managers in the private sector who are actually qualified to conduct the business of running the country who would now run for office.  So, by my estimate, in the next two elections cycles we would have replaced all of our petty, bickering, whiney representatives with qualified people who will behave themselves lest they lose their million dollars a year job.  Oh and they cannot earn any outside income from any source.  That should shut off the lobbyists influence on them.  

Golden Goose

Golden Geese Discovered in Wyoming.

 

 

Feb 15^th           The department of paleontology at the University of Wyoming has issued a report on the findings at one of their privately funded digs in Northwest Wyoming. The report, which was originally written by students working on the dig, reports that an extremely large nest of ancient geese was found just east of the Mammoth spring’s area of Yellowstone Park.  The nest appears to be that of the mythological Golden Goose and the fossilized eggs are indeed made of pure gold.  Each Egg is approximately one troy pound in weight and at today’s market value makes each egg worth approximately $10,000.  It is estimated that the size of the nest is large enough to contain approximately 330 million eggs. 

            The students who discovered the nest are scheduled to be interviewed by the press on Monday the 9^th of March.  However, since the nest is entirely within the boundaries of Yellowstone park the National Park Service has asked that the eggs be secured by the United states Army until it can be decided what to do with them.  The U.S. congressional committee responsible for the park system has issued an order that no further excavations be completed until a study can be funded to determine its total value estimated to be more than two hundred zillion dollars.  Also the U.S. congressional committee on finance wants to commission a study to see what benefit the value might have relating to the national debt and the current financial crises that we are in. This same committee drafted a bill that would increase the salaries for congress by 34%. 

           

Feb 16^th           The Canadian Paleontology society, the privately funded research group that funded the dig, has filed suit in U.S. district court claiming the eggs belong to them since it was their funding of the project that caused the discovery.  At the same time that this lawsuit was filed the Society for preservation of antiquities has filed suit claiming that disturbing this site in any form would constitute a violation of the federal Antiquities Act that has yet to be enacted and is asking for a restraining order prohibiting any removal from the site until such time as the aforementioned law can be enacted.  

 

Feb 17th          A private group calling themselves the citizens for equitable distribution has estimated that there is approximately one egg for every man woman and child in the United States and that the eggs should be distributed to the citizens of the country accordingly.  A newly formed group called the Citizens against anything socialistic has filed suit against the former group alleging that the distribution to each citizen would constitute a “spreading of the wealth” and since this is a capitalistic society would be illegal.  This second group is not able to site any rule of law relating to their assertion.

           

Feb 18^th           meanwhile the society for the ethical treatment of animals dead or alive has alleged that the removal of the eggs from the nest would constitute a violation of the rights of the extinct goose and should not be undertaken under any circumstances. 

 

Feb 19^th           The Sioux nation today filed suit in district court claiming the Yellowstone site is a sacred burial ground for the now extinct but still revered golden goose.  The representative for the Nation has stated off the record that they would be willing to exchange the Black Hills region of North Dakota, a region that has been determined to have been taken from them illegally by the Supreme Court of the United States, for the much smaller area of Yellowstone Park where the nest is located.  Since they have not taken any of the six hundred million dollars that were offered for the Black Hills in lieu of actually receiving their land back they believe that this would be a much easier solution than the one they originally wanted, that being the removal of all white eyes living in or near the Black hills.  They also assert that since that portion of Yellowstone Park had not been used for more than a decade it should be considered abandoned and according to the treaty of 1885 that they have a legal right to claim it.

Feb 20th The National Parks manager responsible for Yellowstone Park today was asked what position he has taken in regard to the future developments.  His response was "We intend to let it burn."  When reminded that the great fire was nearly twenty years ago he said. "Oh."  

           

Feb 22^nd           The Chinese government today has declared their note for the national debt due and payable.  All sums now owing by the United States are to be paid forthwith.  However a spokesman for the Agricultural Bank of China has stated that they would be willing to take the Golden Goose Site in Wyoming as payment for the debt. 

 

Feb 25th          Today the Governor of Wyoming declared an emergency for the area now known as the Golden Goose site and is reclaiming it as state territory.  He has ordered the activation of the Wyoming National guard and has sent two battalions of troops to retake the disputed area under State control.  In the meantime of course the U.S. Army has already taken up positions around the site and is prepared to defend it against the National Guard.  

 

Feb 26^th           Four University of Wyoming students were arrested today while trying to enter the Golden Goose site with bulldozers.  It seems that these students are part of the original archaeological team who made the discovery.  When asked what they were doing they replied that they were trying to cover up their mess. 

 

Feb 27^th           Today General Paetreus ordered Nuclear weapons sent to the newly constructed garrison at the Golden Goose site to be used in the event of an attack by any government foreign or domestic that might try to seize it. 

           

Feb 28^th           This is the last report that will be filed by this reporter from the Golden Goose site.  Upon hearing this latest development I have abandoned any hope of ever receiving a Pulitzer prize for this story other than posthumously and I am in the process of getting the **** out of here. 

 

Until next time.